5^TH SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST

Our Savior’s ELC; Hartland, WI; 13 July 2003

Pastor Bob Patrick

Honor Your Father and Mother

            In our summer series on the Ten Commandments, we have now heard and considered the first 3 commandments. Let’s just review them together quickly:

            Today, we are going to take a closer look at the 4^th Commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.”  As I was preparing my  sermon, I waited expectantly by the telephone for a call from my mechanic down at good old Jack Saffro Toyota—hoping that he would give me his insights about the 4^th Commandment. But alas! no call came!

            The first 3 commandments were concerned with the relationship between God and people; think of it as the vertical axis of the cross: God … people. The final six commandments deal with human relationships within the community of faith. This is the horizontal axis of the cross, … how we get along with one another. Today’s commandment, “Honor your father and your mother,” lies at the intersection of these two axes. It functions as a bridge, because this relationship is the beginning of human society; and, the point of departure for all other human relationships! We begin with God-the-Giver-of-Life, and proceed to the fundamental relationship—we each have—to father and to mother—who together are the channel of God’s gift of life to us!

^M,ai-ta,w> ^ybia'-ta, dBeK;

(and your mother) ^M,ai-ta,w> ((your father)) ^ybia'-ta, ((honor)))dBeK;

God says we are to “honor” our parents, … not “love,” not “obey,” not “do good to them.” We are to honor them! The root sense of the verb dBeK; has to do with being heavy or weighty. So the idea implicit in the Hebrew word “honor” is to make someone “heavy,” i.e., to show that they are deserving of our respect, and our attention! We are to prize our parents highly; to give them a priority place of in our lives. We are to respect them and take them seriously. “If you give reverence to me,” God says, “you will honor your parents.”

            All right, … but who is this commandment addressed to? Does it apply only to young children? Is this a tool God has given us parents so that we can keep our children in line by insuring that they are dutiful and respectful to their elders? Is it a God-sanctioned means for us to tyrannize them, …crush their rebelliousness,… and make them subservient to good old Mom and Dad? It almost seems so when you consider the severe penalties stated in Exodus 21, “Whoever strikes father or mother shall be put to death. Whoever curses father or mother shall be put to death!” or Deuteronomy 27:16, “Cursed is anyone who dishonors father or mother!”

Yet, … the problem addressed by the 4^th Commandment is NOT that of the young child who is under the authority and control of his or her parents; and, is expected to show them respect.        No, … this command is addressed to persons of all ages! For at no age do we cease to be children of parents! Indeed, we are expected to honor our parents even beyond their death.

Scholars tell us that the 4^th Commandment is specifically directed toward adults! This commandment is most concerned with how mature adults treat their aging parents. The commandment is addressed primarily to mature persons, … adult children, no longer under parental control; … grown children, who are now probably stronger and sharper than their parents in every way; and who—therefore—may regard their senior-citizen parents as unimportant, and burdensome.

This relationship between adult children and their parents is one of the most complex of all human relationships,… more so even than that between husband and wife.  The major source of friction is the shift in role as parents grow old, and become increasingly dependent upon their adult children—thus reversing the dependency roles of earlier years. 

In the Large Catechism, Luther speaks to this, saying:

Remember that, however lowly, poor, feeble, and eccentric they may be, your parents are your own father and mother … given you by God. They are not to be deprived of their honor because of their ways or failings. Therefore, we are not to think of their persons—whatever they are—but of the will of God, who has created and ordained them to be our parents. In other respects, we are all equal in the sight of God, but among ourselves there must be this sort of inequality and proper distinctions!

Proverbs 23:22 underscores this, too; it says: “Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”

There is, however, one important qualification to this commandment. Luther sums it up this way:  “The First Table (i.e., the first 3 commandments) must be given precedence over the Second Table (= the remaining 7 commandments). For, IF parents prescribe or command something contrary to God, then the 4^th Commandment, which previously was valid and unalterable, is abrogated.” Because, …  “in the 1^st Commandment it is stated that one must love and honor God above all things! Therefore, if a situation should arise,” says Luther, “where you would have to give up either your father or God, you must say, ‘Farewell father—together with the 4^th Commandment and with the whole Second Table! I know nothing of you, but have completely forgotten you!’”

            This is—as St. Paul points out in Ephesians 6:1-4—the first commandment with a promise attached to it.  Exodus 20:12: “Honor your father and your mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God will give you.” This suggests that each generation which honors and cares for its older members creates and maintains a social climate that enhances the possibility of good and long life for each person in the society—and for the society as a whole.  Conversely, IF indifference to and neglect of the older generation becomes a societal pattern, the possibilities of a long and happy life are diminished for all. Why? Because all of us who are young become old; and, will ourselves need care, love, and respect in order to “live a long, full life.”

In closing, I would like to share a story with you:  

… Once upon a time, a frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate their meals together—at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.  And when he grasped his glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with all the mess. “We must do something about Grandfather," said the son. “I've had just about enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food all over the floor.” So,  the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, … Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed their dinner together at the big table.  And since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served to him in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. But, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled his food.

The four-year-old watched all of this in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with some scraps of wood on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making, son?" And just as sweetly, the little boy responded, "Oh, … I am making a little bowl … for you and Mama to eat your food out of when I grow up." With that, the four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The little boy’s words so struck the parents that they were speechless! Then … tears started to stream down their cheeks. And though no word was spoken, both knew what had to be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

The Fourth Commandment:         Honor your father and your mother.

Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God will give you.

Pastor Robert B. Patrick

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